out of line.

(Note: I won't be offended if you don't read this but I figure that maybe my ignorance can help someone else at some point. If you care at all about my silly running injuries, read on.)

This week has been just plain stupid from a running perspective. Last week was great and this week was just... bad. There's no other word (that is PG) that I can think of to describe it. It just did not go well. I tried two times to run and failed both times. That has not happened in a while, so you can imagine my frustration and concern.

My shins felt like they were being attacked by knives (both anterior and posterior... or inside and outside if you didn't know that), my calves were sore, my ankles were creaking, my hips were aching and my back felt just plain awful. And all this happened from running? Yet, I want to figure out why so I can get back out there and run more miles. So...

When I was on about this pain the other day on Twitter, a good friend of mine said something that was helpful to me:

 And she's right - it is a puzzle. You have to find all the things that work for you to make running not so painful and more fun.

Today I went back to ART and mentioned that my back hurt. And it had after each of the longer runs (6-7 miles) I had done. I understand that when one little piece of the puzzle is out of whack, it throws off everything else because you're compensating for what is going wrong. But what's the root of this problem?

who knows which way my feet land? (source.)

After stretching my back and the cranky muscles in my legs, Dr. M explained to me that even though I have been fitted for shoes, I am probably pronating more than I should. My gait is probably off. And when you're running with poor biomechanics like I am, your pelvis starts swinging around in a way it shouldn't and it starts to hurt your hips and your back.



Knowing that I was a little confused myself, I decided to do some research. If you google "pronation pelvis" (I know, so simple), you get a laundry list of articles, some of which are kind of hard to understand if you're not up on your anatomy and physiology lingo. But one particular article I found about gait analysis and biomechanics says that common overuse injuries associated with poor gait include:

• Shin splints
• Plantar fasciitis
• Iliotibial band syndrome
• Achilles tendonitis
• Lower back pain

Well shit. I guess this makes a lot of sense, since those things impact your shins, feet, hips, calves and back and that's where I've been feeling the running burn. Neat. I guess it's a good thing that on Monday, I have an appointment with a triathlon coach who is going to analyze my running.

I don't think my shoes are causing an issue, but it's possible they are. Dr. M had recommended I get fitted for new shoes back in February or March to get rid of the shin splints that I had. I went from a stable shoe to a more neutral shoe and he said today that switching made my shins a lot better. But maybe I'm still not in the best shoe for me. I guess it's all part of this puzzle.

I'm sure I still need to work on core strength (since I have already convinced myself that I have none and that's a problem), but if I'm running the wrong way, I'm pushing my entire body out of alignment and really doing this pain thing to myself. I'm optimistic that I'll get it figured out enough that I can run in Vegas, and then maybe I'll have to take a closer look at what else I can do to better my running life.

If you read this entire thing, I applaud you. I know it's kind of boring but it helps me to get it out there, and if someone else is having the same issues I have been having, I hope it helps them too. Running (at least for distance) is not easy, but it doesn't have to be impossible. And I'm out to make that point.

If you've ever dealt with a running or fitness related injury, I'd love to hear about it and what helped you overcome it!

doubt.

I feel like I complain a lot. I don't mean to, but when something is bothering me, I want to get it out. When I wanted to start running for real in January, I struggled because of my stupid shin splints. When I felt something "snap" in my calf, I stopped to let it get better. When I started feeling a new pain on my tibialis posterior (read: the inside of your leg, opposite of shin splints), I tried to push through it. I don't want to quit running, because I want to prove I can do it. I want to prove it to you, and I want to prove it to me.

Sometimes it has been hard. Really difficult. I have been able to keep going after all this time because of friends who believe in me, and friends who have done half marathons and full marathons. I have been able to get over my aches and pains because of ART (thank heavens for that) and the belief that icing and stretching and compression socks are going to help me through it.

That's a key word here: believe.

Even a few weeks ago, when I was in that running rut, I shook it off and went out and did 7 miles. It wasn't easy. But it was necessary, and it helped me to see that I will be able to finish that half marathon on Dec. 4. Maybe I didn't always believe it, but there are people that expressed how great it was, and how they couldn't do that, and that made me keep going. I can do it. Right?

On Monday night I needed to go for a run. Monday was a weird day, and after spending the entire weekend in Chicago with some of the greatest friends a person could have (and skipping a scheduled run), I had work to do. Four miles is totally doable. But only one mile in, I knew something wasn't right. My shin splints, which hadn't made an appearance in my life in months, suddenly were back with a vengeance. Crap. Instead of running 4 miles, we ran 1.2. And then I hobbled home. The whole way fighting to understand what could have caused this.

It's maddening to have to stop doing something that you WANT to do because it physically causes pain. I don't understand why, but ever since I started this journey in January, I have hit roadblock after roadblock. And I keep going. I don't want to be a quitter, especially not with my first half in a month and with a goal of doing a marathon still firing away in the back of my mind.

I mentioned to someone that I had gotten a resurgence of shin pain, and that I was going to go back in for ART to see if that would help it. I wasn't looking for sympathy (I'm still not) but her response surprised me. Instead of saying that it was good that I kept trying, essentially the response was that I should just quit running and find another hobby.

Another hobby?

I don't want another hobby. I want to run. I want to be someone that can go out and crush a few miles with no problem (at least on most days). I want to do half marathons, and eventually a marathon. I want to be part of a small percentage of the population that actually accomplishes those things. Not a quitter.

It's hard not to have doubts. It's hard not to think of this half marathon in 5 weeks and wonder how on earth I'm going to run 13.1 miles. But... it has to happen. Because I'm not going to give up. And if my legs are feeling okay (and not like bricks), I need to remember that sometimes it's the mental part of training and racing that can make you weak.

I read a post this morning that really resonated with me, because essentially it says who cares where you came from and how you got there, just be proud that you're out there trying and respect where you are today. And it's true. I don't have to be the fastest or the best but I have to do it. Just to prove those doubters wrong and show that I can do something, anything.

I'm not going to always be the best, and sometimes (okay, maybe a lot of times) I'm going to make mistakes. Sometimes I'm not going to be all that motivated, especially not for a 5:30 a.m. swim workout, and sometimes I am going to skip out on most of the miles of a run because it just doesn't feel good.

But at least I'm out there trying. At least I'm out there doing.

Don't drag me down - leave your doubts at the door.

a mile a day.

It's hard to believe October on its downward swing. There are only 12 more days until November blows in (inevitably - I live in Colorado and November usually means winter in some way, shape or form) and then December will be here before we know it. Which means Dec. 4. Which means half marathon.

Which is fine, really. After admitting to my running run last week, a few great people out there gave advice and suggestions to help me get back to good with running. I had to take a deep breath and tell myself that running wasn't so bad (because really, it's not, but that's hard to see when you're having a bad day or week of it). I re-designed my training plan a little and figured I would start "fresh" this week.

British propaganda applies to everything, really. (source)

On Saturday, I had my first really long run. I did a 10k back in July, one that I was essentially under-prepared for considering the longest run I had done prior to it was 4 miles, but Saturday I went downtown and hit the trails and churned out 7 miles. Seven! I think having a friend along helped, definitely, and so did our planned water stops. I don't know about you, but I really hate to carry water with me. It seems to bog me down. Anyway.

Those 7 miles recharged me a little. Sure, my legs have felt better, and other various parts of my body definitely felt the burn, but 7 miles? OK. I'll take it. Monday I ran 4 (although it was broken up into two smaller runs) and so far today I've done 2.6. I don't usually run at lunch - today I did.

Why is this important? Because today is October 19. And according to RunKeeper, I have done 19.4 miles of running so far this month, which is just like running a mile a day.

Does a mile a day keep the doctor away? Probably not, considering how sore my legs are, but I'm on track to have my best running month ever. Let's hope it stays that way.

This makes me think of a thought I posted on my Facebook page earlier this week:

If you want something, go after it. Nobody is stopping you but you. Why settle when you can be and do something great?

Not everything is going to be easy. Not everything is going to be popular. But if you have a goal or a dream, don't let anybody tell you that you can't do it. The opinions of others are just that: opinions. Think of all the people in history that would have never accomplished great things that ended up shaping our world if they listened to everyone that was a non-believer. You are capable of doing something wonderful - you just have to believe it.

In other news, I'm heading to Chicago this weekend to see some of the best people I know. And I can't wait. Anyone have any suggestions for places to eat or shop in the Windy City?

negative nancy.

Maybe I shouldn't be writing this. Especially right now. But that's exactly why I'm doing it.

This is a story about running and motivation and mental strength. Or lack thereof.

I don't mean to complain. To be a Negative Nancy. To be a Melancholy Molly. But right now I'm not sure what else to do but to complain. That's where I'm at. I feel like I'm about to share a string of excuses but if you don't care to listen, you can stop reading now.

I haven't had a good run in more than a week. Actually, it's been two weeks. From today. Every run since then has felt forced. Uncomfortable. My 5k on 10/1 was okay, but it was more like a cross country race or a trail run, and I wasn't prepared for that. I think I strained my ankle. Whatever. My time wasn't awful (37:25) but it just wasn't what I was expecting.

My training plan for my half in Vegas makes me angry. Because I'm not following it (my fault) and it just keeps getting harder. I know running isn't easy and maybe I should have done a better job of sticking to it. Now when I look at it, I just want to rip it up. That's not going to solve anything.

Before, I told myself that I could do it, no problem. Lately I have been worried. I'm not sure I can do it. I know running isn't easy, but right now it seems near impossible. I have a 10k in less than three weeks and I don't even know if I can do that - and I've done a 10k before! Sure I had to walk part of it, but I still did it.

Am I in a running rut?

Maybe I'd be okay if there was truth to this...

Maybe just a rut in general. I don't want to get up to go to work, or to swim, and certainly not to run. Maybe the change in seasons is getting to me, even though I love fall more than any other season. Maybe my hectic travel schedule is wearing me down.

But there is really no excuse. There are people who are much more busy than I am, who have significant others and families, who train much more often and much more intensely than I do. There are people that run marathons, or even more intimidating, compete in triathlons like Ironmans. And I can't even seem to get in a run that lasts more than 1.5 miles without feeling like something might be wrong. So I stop. Even knowing that people have gotten through much worse for much longer.

I don't feel positive about a lot right now. I think it's mostly because of the run that I just attempted and failed. I walked home, and gave myself a chance to berate myself and think about everything that made me a non-runner and a non-athlete. I have run a lot more than I ever thought I could, but I still feel like I have something to prove and I am not proving it to anyone. Least of all me.

So I guess I need help. I don't want to ask for help, but I think I need to. I need help to get past this bad attitude and to remind myself that my mental strength is going to be crucial to actually running 13.1 come December 4. I need to recharge. Restart. Something.

But please, don't tell me that I just might not be cut out for running. I already considered it, and that's not an acceptable answer. I need to be a runner, for my piece of mind. I need to believe that I can run, despite my short-comings and my grumpiness.

So whatcha got? I really could use your opinions, experiences and advice. Thanks.