the unknown.

Lately I haven't had much to write about, here. I worked not one but two excellent events. I wrote for Paralympic.org (a volunteer gig I have). I have spent lots of time with my friends. You know. Real life things.

But lately I've been thinking about all of the things happening around me and I thought I'd write it down and get it out. Maybe somebody else feels the same way. Because you know, being an adult is hard and nobody really talks about that. You just kind of have to put your head down and keep going. Not that it's a bad thing, to do that, but I want to hear more about how it's hard. It can't be just me.

I don't mean to say this like it's oh-so-hard, woe-is-me or something. I'm experiencing typical adult things. You know, trying to figure out what I want to do. Should I stay in my apartment or should I move elsewhere? What should I be doing with my life? Where should I be? Why is money so awful? These things are all unknown. And while the unknown can be thrilling, it can also be obnoxious. There's no one to tell you what to do or what is the best option; you have to figure it out yourself.

Yeah, right.

Does it get any easier? Maybe. If you have goals and a clear idea of what you want, it's probably easier to go after it. But then, I have goals and a million ideas of places I want to go and I still am not sure what the right direction is for me. There are all kind of possibilities, opportunities, and some will come to fruition and some will fizzle out. No matter what happens, you're learning and growing and becoming stronger, so the next time something weird or unknown happens, you can face it a little better. You're all grown up after all.

And still, I feel like this quote from author Eleanor Brown sums up how I feel most days:

“What I mean is, I still feel like me. It's not like I wake up and think, I am a responsible adult. I just look in the mirror and see myself. The same stupid person I've been looking at for years.”

27.

I haven't had much to say lately but today I have things to say because it is my birthday. I mean, it's technically my birthday even though it's only 10:38 p.m. on the day before my birthday in Colorado. I was born in Michigan so my birthday starts there.

Anyway.

26 was a good year, mostly. I traveled a lot, and I went to London for the Paralympic Games (which was amazing and life changing in the best way possible) and I went to New Zealand and Australia. And I was in Australia for three whole days all by myself, which sounds a little wild and crazy but it was such a great idea. I would do it again in an instant.
 

I bought a lot of books and read a lot of books and watched some good movies and had zero cable in my apartment all year. I barely ran (at least in my opinion) and I honestly am okay with that. I made some wonderful new friends and appreciated the time and love from my old friends. I started my master's degree and am on my third class now and am still enjoying the opportunities to learn. And even if it's weird to say, I kept learning about myself, too, and I think while I still have things I could work on, I am what I consider a better version of who I might have been in the past. Good year, 26.

But 26 had some hard stuff, too. Mostly the Waldo Canyon Fire and losing our family dog Benny and  the discovery of my mom's cancer. These are hard for different reasons, but they were part of 26. Challenges.

The thing is, if you can look back on a whole year of your life and your hardest moments were when you were facing the kinds of challenges you wouldn't wish on anyone, I guess it really was a good year, overall. And even though the challenges (for lack of a better word) were awful, they are the kinds of situations that make you better. Which kind of goes along with what I just said about being a better me.

Which is funny, I think, because last year for my birthday I made a list of things I wanted to do and one of them was exactly that:

Be better. Smile more. Be a better friend. Be smarter. Be caring. Be someone that people respect and want to emulate, just because you're you and they like you for it. (That sounds kind of Mister Rogers but I don't care.)

I don't know what 27 has in store. Last year at this time, I had a stronger sense of where I was headed, and if I were to look out on the horizon of 27, I can honestly say I have no idea. But maybe that's a good thing, right? You're not always going to know what you're going to be doing or where you're going with life and it's really supposed to be that way. Personally the unknown drives me crazy (I'm a planner, you see) but I'm going to make the most of it, and make 27 the next best year ever.

Hope to see you along the way.

choices.

There was a great interview today on NPR with Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook. She's talking about her new book (called "Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead") and women in the workplace. I highly recommend listening to the interview, but if you don't want to take 8 minutes to do so, here is a part that stands out to me:

"'I don't believe that everyone should make the same choices — that everyone has to want to be a CEO or everyone should want to be a work-at-home mother,' Sandberg responds. 'I want everyone to be able to choose, but I want us to be able to choose unencumbered by gender choosing for us. I have a 7-year-old son and a 5-year-old daughter. Success for me is that if my son chooses to be a stay-at-home parent, he is cheered on for that decision. And if my daughter chooses to work outside the home and is successful, she is cheered on and supported.'"

I think this is a point we often overlook as a society, and I wonder why. There's a big world out there, and so many choices, and I wonder why in 2013 there are still limiters on what we think we can or know we can do. To me, equality is important. I don't care who you are or where you came from, if you work hard, you should have the same opportunities afforded to others who work hard, if you want them.

In the case of Sheryl Sandberg, she's taken a lot of heat because of her stance on women in the workplace. She obviously has two children, and she chooses to spend quite a bit of her time working. She wants to be in a high level position, and those require time. More recently, as it relates to her book, many are up in arms about Sandberg's approach. I haven't read the book (yet), but I think those who are upset with her are missing the point. She's not saying you have to work lots of hours or fit a certain professional profile. To me, she's saying what I already think: you should have those choices if you want them.

You've also probably heard of Marissa Mayer, the CEO of Yahoo!, who has also recently come under fire for her decision to end telecommuting at her company. At first, I was appalled. Why would she want to do such a thing? Isn't that a step back? Then I read this article which explained that Mayer had good reason for making the decision - basically, people didn't seem to be working from home after all. With those kinds of facts, how do you continue a process that clearly isn't working? Now it makes more sense, and I don't think she's making a statement for all companies, except to say, "If your employees aren't working, you've got to change something."

These two women are in incredible positions of power in their workplaces, and they are making choices they feel are best for their employees. Maybe some don't agree with their lifestyles, but I guess that's the beauty of it - does it matter? These women have families. They are doing what they want to do with their lives. Some women are stay-at-home moms. Some women work part-time. Some women want to climb the corporate ladder. The thing is, whatever a woman decides as it relates to her personal and professional life, it should be up to her (and her family, if she has one) to decide.

We've got to stop tearing women down for their choices. You don't always have to agree with what someone else is doing with his or her life. I think part of this can relate to the fact that I've been on a body image kick lately, but I think it applies to all of life, and all genders and sexualities and religions and belief systems. I mean, even Queen Elizabeth is behind equal rights.

The more I think about it, the more I think Sandberg and Mayer are setting an incredible example for women who have dreams to "have it all." Maybe you can't really have it all. When I say incredible, I mean that they are showing women that they don't have to be limited to some belief of what society thinks they should be doing. Men have families and work monstrous hours in some careers - what's stopping a woman from doing the same?

I don't know where I see myself in 10 years from now, professionally or personally, but I know things I hope to have in my life. Will I "have it all"? Will I even want that? It's doubtful - I'm a bigger proponent of balance, something I think Sandberg and Mayer might be lacking despite my admiration for their determination. Right now I know I have had some incredible opportunities and I hope to have more. If you're happy and satisfied with the way you're living your life, that is what matters. If it works for you and your family, excellent. If someone you don't know doesn't like it, I'm not sure that should be an issue.

What do you think of the stances taken by Sandberg and Mayer?

rocky road.

In case you were wondering, running and I still have an on-again, off-again relationship.

Sometimes I know I should go run because it should make me feel good and it's supposed to be good for me and I'm signed up for these races. Sometimes I go running and it feels great and I want to do a little dance and keep running. Sometimes running just feels gross and it hurts. Not a good, push-through-it hurt.

And then I get mad.

I am going to keep trying to be better at foam rolling and yoga and swimming (especially swimming because it never makes me feel gross and sad). I'm going to keep trying to run but I'm going to stop comparing myself to other people or past versions of myself and remember that there is only me, and my body, and this one day. One day at a time. And it doesn't matter if I turn off my watch and have to walk home, or if I end up running more than I planned. And it doesn't matter if I immediately come home and ice my legs with a bag of frozen edamame. And it doesn't matter what other people say and do because I'm going to do what's best for me and not let what other people say get me down. And if I run slow it's okay, and if I can't get as deep into a yoga pose it's okay, and if I am swimming a little slower than I'd like to right now it's okay.

The point is, sometimes I am going to have bad runs. My legs will hurt and I will want to throw my watch on the ground. But there will be better runs ahead, and I'm going to keep trying.

That's really all I can do.

the pet commitment.

Two puppies, both part of the family Christmas card.

A while back, I shared how much I will miss my good friend Benny, a dog who was part of my family for the past 10 years or so. I truly believe he was part of our family, just like the other pets we've had at various points in my life so far (dogs, cats, fish). Knowing this, I'd say it's fair to say that I do not understand when someone mistreats a pet, just like I don't understand how someone could mistreat a human member of their family.

So today, I had an experience I wanted to share because it makes me so sad, and it's a good reminder of the commitment it takes to bring a pet into your house and your family.

I met a neighbor today, because she asked me to grab her phone from her car while she held her dog on a leash. I could see that the dog was not particularly happy, but not because of the neighbor. I want to make it clear that I don't fault the neighbor so much for trying to bring the dog home. She went to the local Humane Society and loved this little dog and wanted to give her a good home. That part I understand and respect.

As we talked, she told me that the dog had been found at a farm or house (doesn't really matter which) in Montana where a man had been keeping 160 dogs just like her. Obviously these dogs were mistreated, which made this particular dog scared and on-edge. She was jumpy, and loud noises and quick movements frightened her. So that in itself is so terribly sad, because how could a person be so cruel that the animal just can't function normally?

I spent an over an hour outside with my neighbor, keeping her company while she waited for a friend. The dog didn't want to go up the stairs, she kept tugging on her leash, and eventually she chewed right through it. Fortunately the neighbor was able to keep her still long enough to get the leash back on, but it was a struggle. 

I wanted to share this because it is awful to see such a nice dog unable to function because of how she was treated in her young life. I wanted to share this because I wanted to remind people that dogs (and cats and other pets) are not there for you to abuse or mistreat. And I wanted to remind people that you should be absolutely ready for a dog before you bring one home. Like I said, I don't fault my neighbor. She wanted to give a dog a home, and thought she was doing something good for this one. But in the hour-plus that we spent outside and she was unable to get the dog up the stairs, she realized this was not going to work. Which made me feel sad for her and for the dog. What could even be done here? By the time she got the dog upstairs, what would happen when she needed to take the dog out? Maybe another dog who needed a home could have worked, I don't know. I'm not here to speculate on this particular situation.

Before you decide to bring a dog (or another pet) into your home and your family, whether it's from the Humane Society or from another source, you're still helping to give that animal a happy, healthy home. A pet is not a toy; they require food and exercise and love. I won't say they're exactly like people... but in a way they kind of are. They require a commitment and the decision to add a pet to your family should not be taken lightly.

touch the wall.

Because it's snowy and cold outside in Colorado today, I figured it would be a great day to stay inside and get some things done around my apartment (like that laundry I've been avoiding or baking these "muffins"). Part of my "getting things done" means hanging out on the internet, which led me to see this project called "Touch the Wall."

Before I tell you why this looks like an awesome project, check out the video:

 I think if you are a fan of swimming (and maybe even if you're not), you might already realize that this movie could really capture the Olympic journey for two American swimmers who qualified for London. 

When I was growing up, swimming was what sparked my love of the Olympic Games and sport in general. I was no good at soccer (I got made fun of as a 9-year-old for being a slow runner - true story), and when I started swimming, it was something I genuinely loved and was good at. It was swimming that really set my on the path I have been on, so to see a documentary like this featuring athletes I respect is something I can put my support behind. Plus, I remember being in awe over Kara Lynn Joyce's times when she was a high school swimmer in Michigan.

On a broad note, swimming is something many kids should learn, even if they don't continue on to a competitive team. It's an important skill for a person to have. USA Swimming has recognized this through the Make a Splash program, which they call "a national child-focused water safety initiative which aims to provide the opportunity for every child in America to learn to swim."

More specifically, this video shows two young women who are strong, successful athletes. I think this could be something that sparks many other young girls to get into the pool and get started in swimming. Even if it's not swimming, it might inspire someone who is just getting started in a sport or activity to pursue it further. It will show everyone the possibilities that are out there if you focus, work hard and have a dream.

I became a backer, and I hope more people make a pledge to help this project reach its goal. I think there are a lot of resources out there for sport, but many of them are focused on the "big 4" - football, basketball, baseball, hockey. This is another way to get an Olympic sport into a mainstream media channel, something that should be happening more often based on the drive and talent of many of these athletes. 

What types of projects have you backed on Kickstarter? What kind of projects appeal to you?

be true to you.

I'm still on this kick of being yourself and not comparing yourself to other people, which is fitting because it's my sorority's "Be True to You" week at Central Michigan University. One of our philanthropies is ANAD, which is the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, and the events of the week (including tonight's Deepher Dudes pageant) are meant to emphasize the importance of accepting yourself for who you are and being a healthy you.

Obviously I have been talking about this a lot (and this might even be a little repetitive) but I think part of it is that I'm just feeling so overwhelmed and annoyed by the constant chatter that you must do this or that to be a perfect body or perfect person or whatever. I don't know if it's the advent of social media that makes people feel like they are entitled to make judgements on others but it seems silly to me.

The bottom line is that we should just be worrying about ourselves and not about everyone around us.

There's no reason you can't be true to you. Seriously. Maybe in my case that means taking more breaks from social media than I have in the past. I know, and have agreed with a friend who is known for saying that social media is everyone's highlight reel. That much is true. But often times on social media, you're hearing messages that might not apply to you. They might be specific to that person, and might not work for you at all. When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer recently, the doctors specifically told her not to go home and look up information online; it may not pertain to her and it could cause her more mental stress than necessary.

It's kind of like the message I was taking away from reading "The Happiness Project." In it, the author (Gretchen Rubin) has a list of "commandments" that fit her and will hopefully help her to be happier in her day-to-day life. Her number one phrase is to "be Gretchen" no matter what. One example she uses is that she doesn't always love adult fiction, and finds children's books (like Harry Potter) more enjoyable. Well, I can relate to that. Should it bother me that some people might think I'm too old for that? No!

That's not quite the same as body image and what you're eating and all that, but it's all on the same level, basically. You don't have to agree with someone on everything, but you should at least respect opinions of others and be more cognizant and aware of differences. How boring would it be if we were all the same? Where's the fun in being just like someone else? Sure, there are people I admire and hope to emulate in some areas of my life, but I don't want to be an exact copy of those people. I want to be LindsAy. Me.

Plus, things are not always what they seem. This is only partially related, but since I'm on this kick of health and wellness and whatnot, I thought it appropriate to share. I share the video knowing that I would try to avoid muffins from anywhere besides my own kitchen, and knowing that I will still eat at Subway and Chipotle on occasion (because it tastes good). It's still interesting to see how accurate (or not) the information is that we're (sometimes) buying into:

I guess the point here, especially in honor of "Be True to You" week, is that you should be comfortable being yourself. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what method of madness works best for you. If you've been able to lose weight one way, that's great! But sometimes, that exact way will not work for someone else (case in point: Weight Watchers causes me mental hangups that don't help with any kind of successful weight loss), and THAT IS OKAY. We can like different movies and books and foods and activities and politics and religions or non-religions and sports teams and weather and whatever. It's actually preferable. 

And social media, a tool of great opportunity and connections, can be a wonderful sounding board. It can be a great place to learn little-known facts and discover new things and even hear stories that you know nothing about (and actually sometimes be ill-informed but that's another story). But just like my parents say when I'm mulling over a decision about something, no one can decide that for you - it's up to you to decide. Hopefully the important thing you decide, amid the overpowering messages from social media, is that you can be you, and you can use those online voices to help make the best decision for you. Not just because someone tells you that's how you should be. Including me!