Friday, January 11, 2013

fight.

I think it's an appropriate lesson in life that when you get knocked down, you have to get back up. Some learn that at a young age, like when they fall off their bicycle. It hurts, but you don't want to give up on riding your bicycle. You have to get back on it, and try again. I can only remember one time I really fell hard off my bike. I had to walk my bike a mile home. It hurt. But I wouldn't say it stopped me from riding again. I just don't like falling down. Who does?

Maybe a bike is not the best analogy, but you know what I'm talking about.

Writing helps me to get out what I am thinking. I can usually use my words to say how I am feeling and it's kind of therapeutic. It might not make a lot of sense to others who end up reading it, but that's usually not the point.

In this case, it's hard to find the words to explain what it is that I want to say. I've tried to write it and it just sounds stupid. Even when you talk about it in a conversation, it's not that easy. At some point, people are going to know. Do you just wait until they find out about it on their own? Do you wait until it's obvious? It's probably okay to tell some people what's going on, but even when you make that decision to share you feel like you're dropping some kind of bomb when that's not at all what you're trying to do.

I'm probably never going to be one of those people who puts a pink ribbon on her car. If the ribbon is for awareness, I am already aware. Maybe the ribbon is just to tell other people you're aware. "We're dealing with this right now, and instead of telling you about it, we're just going to slap this pink ribbon magnet on our bumper. Got it?"

This isn't even so much story about me. But it is about cancer, so it brings back those painful feelings of falling off a bike, just magnified. When someone you love has cancer, it hurts you too. What can you even do to help? Maybe that's another reason people buy ribbons and t-shirts and do whatever it is they do to feel a little better about it. You have to find something to help you work through it, because cancer is heavy stuff. You can't just sit on that and let it go. There's treatment and turbans to talk about.

When my mom told people she knew about her cancer, she put it in our family Christmas card. So now other people know that yes, there is cancer. And we are fighting it. I say we because it's not something a person goes through alone. We band together, and we fight. And it's hard. And it's not the kind of thing people ever want to deal with. You try to be healthy and it still comes. But you have to think positively. You have to get back on the bike, so to speak, and keep riding. Maybe off into the sunset. Because that's a nice thing.

I guess I'm not just talking about cancer here. You will face hard things in your life. You will get sad and mad about them. And then you will pick yourself up and work to overcome those hard things. Because that's just what you have to do. Sometimes it's a fight. You can win it.

On a kind of related note to talking about hard stuff, I read this article today about how there's more to life than being happy. Read it. Because it talks about how your purpose in life is what drives you and keeps you going. The man referenced in the article, Viktor Frankl, made decisions in his life based on what he believed his purpose to be, and that purpose was not just about himself. 

There are some things we can control, and some things we can't. All that means is we have to work a little harder in the fight. And we can do it together, and it will be okay.

4 comments:

  1. This is such a beautiful post, and I'm sure it was not easy to write. I'm thinking about, and praying for, your mom and your family.

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  2. Lindsay, I am so sorry to hear about this struggle your family is going through. Please know that I will keep you in mind as I am running next week. :)

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Lindsay. You and your family are in my thoughts. You are so right that it's a fight that a family fights together, supporting each other, loving each other, and holding each other close. I'm holding you in my heart. Take care.

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  4. Hold tight lady! My aunt battled and beat and battled again, for over 7 years. It's up and down and eye opening, but you are totally right; it's a fight. Please let me know if you EVER need anything. Next time you talk to Mrs. W (as she'll always be to me) give her my best.
    Lots of love and positive thoughts your way!

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