Wednesday, April 25, 2012

why i'm quitting online dating.

online dating makes me feel like a bummed out gumball.
Today, I official quit online dating.

I'm over it, quite honestly. A while back I wrote a post about how I was trying it because it seemed like a reasonable option to meet people. I know people who have met their significant others online, and they are very happy. Online dating can work.

But for me, it does not.

I have done what seems like all of them - eHarmony, OKCupid, Match, Plenty of Fish. I have gone on dates (although not as many as some), and nothing has really gone anywhere. I have had conversations with men via text that consist of one-word responses. I have friends who have gotten more than their fair share of photos that were wildly inappropriate (note to everyone ever: sending naked pictures of yourself to someone you have never met is just grounds to be made fun of for all time).

I have spent money and time sending messages. I never get responses. I never get messages from people either. And maybe it's me. Maybe my online-dating self is not charming like real-life me. Maybe admitting that the most important quality I'm looking for in another person is kindness is just too much for some folks. Maybe saying that I am into sports and love my career and also enjoy reading is just not what men in my city or my state want in a woman.

But for me, if I am being honest and I am still not seeing any return on my investment of time and money, why am I continuing to care?

There has got to be a better way.

People meet in all kinds of ways. People, long ago, before the internet, didn't have online dating. They had to meet through traditional methods. You know, like, face-to-face. People meet in bars and libraries and through mutual friends.

For me, online dating has just become an annoyance. A nuisance. I don't want to spend time getting to know someone online, only to meet him in real life and find out he is nothing at all like he appeared to be, because in my experience, it's too easy to be dishonest.

This is not meant to offend anyone who is online dating or who has had success. But for me personally it's just not working. It's not something I care to dedicate any more time to.

I quit.

How did you meet your significant other? Was it online or by some other means? Just curious how people meet other people (to date) these days...


  1. I was thinking about this and the answer is there are only two ways I have ever met anyone serious. School and work. Maybe nice, normal people go to bars all the time, but the atmosphere suggests a hook up rather than something real. Joining clubs? Gyms? I don't really know what works anymore. I have done some online dating just because I was tired of the same old people all the time. And I went on a couple of dates but nothing really flared. It's just, plain and simple, not for everyone. And I don't blame you. You work and travel often. I'd just let it happen when it's meant to, and keep your options open. I think it'll be fine :)

  2. I did meet my husband on, but I think it's just a "right time/right place" thing. Anyways - good luck, it'll work out in the end.

  3. i think there are so many ways to meet people, post college. my friend is going through a break-up right now and doesn't want to do online dating so we've been brainstorming a lot!

    here's what we came up with for her - maybe some interest you? volunteering, run club, boxing gym (she's learning to box), college alumni association in denver, church/church group, group friend outtings/picnics at the park, speed dating, etc.

    not sure if those are anything that you do or are interested in but i do know that you'll find the guy you want - online or not! come on up to 'menver' and meet some guys! :)

  4. I hope all things work out well! Good luck to your love adventures!

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  5. I dig your style....Id go on a date with you!