This is a story about running and motivation and mental strength. Or lack thereof.
I don't mean to complain. To be a Negative Nancy. To be a Melancholy Molly. But right now I'm not sure what else to do but to complain. That's where I'm at. I feel like I'm about to share a string of excuses but if you don't care to listen, you can stop reading now.
I haven't had a good run in more than a week. Actually, it's been two weeks. From today. Every run since then has felt forced. Uncomfortable. My 5k on 10/1 was okay, but it was more like a cross country race or a trail run, and I wasn't prepared for that. I think I strained my ankle. Whatever. My time wasn't awful (37:25) but it just wasn't what I was expecting.
My training plan for my half in Vegas makes me angry. Because I'm not following it (my fault) and it just keeps getting harder. I know running isn't easy and maybe I should have done a better job of sticking to it. Now when I look at it, I just want to rip it up. That's not going to solve anything.
Before, I told myself that I could do it, no problem. Lately I have been worried. I'm not sure I can do it. I know running isn't easy, but right now it seems near impossible. I have a 10k in less than three weeks and I don't even know if I can do that - and I've done a 10k before! Sure I had to walk part of it, but I still did it.
Am I in a running rut?
|Maybe I'd be okay if there was truth to this...|
But there is really no excuse. There are people who are much more busy than I am, who have significant others and families, who train much more often and much more intensely than I do. There are people that run marathons, or even more intimidating, compete in triathlons like Ironmans. And I can't even seem to get in a run that lasts more than 1.5 miles without feeling like something might be wrong. So I stop. Even knowing that people have gotten through much worse for much longer.
I don't feel positive about a lot right now. I think it's mostly because of the run that I just attempted and failed. I walked home, and gave myself a chance to berate myself and think about everything that made me a non-runner and a non-athlete. I have run a lot more than I ever thought I could, but I still feel like I have something to prove and I am not proving it to anyone. Least of all me.
So I guess I need help. I don't want to ask for help, but I think I need to. I need help to get past this bad attitude and to remind myself that my mental strength is going to be crucial to actually running 13.1 come December 4. I need to recharge. Restart. Something.
But please, don't tell me that I just might not be cut out for running. I already considered it, and that's not an acceptable answer. I need to be a runner, for my piece of mind. I need to believe that I can run, despite my short-comings and my grumpiness.
So whatcha got? I really could use your opinions, experiences and advice. Thanks.