This is a story about running and motivation and mental strength. Or lack thereof.
I don't mean to complain. To be a Negative Nancy. To be a Melancholy Molly. But right now I'm not sure what else to do but to complain. That's where I'm at. I feel like I'm about to share a string of excuses but if you don't care to listen, you can stop reading now.
I haven't had a good run in more than a week. Actually, it's been two weeks. From today. Every run since then has felt forced. Uncomfortable. My 5k on 10/1 was okay, but it was more like a cross country race or a trail run, and I wasn't prepared for that. I think I strained my ankle. Whatever. My time wasn't awful (37:25) but it just wasn't what I was expecting.
My training plan for my half in Vegas makes me angry. Because I'm not following it (my fault) and it just keeps getting harder. I know running isn't easy and maybe I should have done a better job of sticking to it. Now when I look at it, I just want to rip it up. That's not going to solve anything.
Before, I told myself that I could do it, no problem. Lately I have been worried. I'm not sure I can do it. I know running isn't easy, but right now it seems near impossible. I have a 10k in less than three weeks and I don't even know if I can do that - and I've done a 10k before! Sure I had to walk part of it, but I still did it.
Am I in a running rut?
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| Maybe I'd be okay if there was truth to this... |
But there is really no excuse. There are people who are much more busy than I am, who have significant others and families, who train much more often and much more intensely than I do. There are people that run marathons, or even more intimidating, compete in triathlons like Ironmans. And I can't even seem to get in a run that lasts more than 1.5 miles without feeling like something might be wrong. So I stop. Even knowing that people have gotten through much worse for much longer.
I don't feel positive about a lot right now. I think it's mostly because of the run that I just attempted and failed. I walked home, and gave myself a chance to berate myself and think about everything that made me a non-runner and a non-athlete. I have run a lot more than I ever thought I could, but I still feel like I have something to prove and I am not proving it to anyone. Least of all me.
So I guess I need help. I don't want to ask for help, but I think I need to. I need help to get past this bad attitude and to remind myself that my mental strength is going to be crucial to actually running 13.1 come December 4. I need to recharge. Restart. Something.
But please, don't tell me that I just might not be cut out for running. I already considered it, and that's not an acceptable answer. I need to be a runner, for my piece of mind. I need to believe that I can run, despite my short-comings and my grumpiness.
So whatcha got? I really could use your opinions, experiences and advice. Thanks.
Don't ever compare yourself to other people, firstly-- I made that mistake with dance (something I love love love) and didn't go for several months. Just because I don't have the ability to go every week or multiple times in a week doesn't mean I'm not dedicated to it, just means I didn't get to it. Just because other people are busier than you and find time to have a training plan doesn't mean they're better than you or that you're any less dedicated.
ReplyDeleteWell I think you need to start over. Acknowledge the fact that u can run more than you ever dreamed of and reward yourself by cutting yourself some slack. Your human and its normal to have some downer moments. Review your running regimen tomorrow and start fresh don't hold the last two weeks against yourself. And spice up your running a bit by having a few fun cardio days. Your bdy may be dreading each run because they are long runs. Do some interval running still gets ur heart rate up and will trick our body a bit because it's new. Most of all relax and start fresh tomorrow and don't bring the negative of the last two weeks with you. Im proud of you and I think your doing great!
ReplyDeleteStop beating yourself up! You are totally cut out for running! Have confidence in your ability. When you're pushing yourself too hard, and comparing yourself to other people, you don't get anywhere. Don't feel pressured by the plan. Maybe take a day to go out for an easy run, and it you walk half of it, that's ok. You just need to find the joy again of why you started running in the first place. Also, if you have a heart rate monitor, heart rate training might help. It's made a big difference for me.
ReplyDeleteA 10K? You got this! Walk some of it if you need to. You can totally do six miles, and when you do six, your half will feel even more attainable.
Running is supposed to be about joy. So don't kick yourself over bad runs or missed runs or not following your plan - just take a couple runs to remember why you love it.
I'm with all of these ladies, at least I think M is a lady, if not my apologies.
ReplyDeleteYes it's ok to have bad runs. This past week was a week of bad runs for me. Nothing felt right and my long run on Saturday just kicked my ass and I had to walk for quite a bit of it. Pick up your shorts and move on. Take a week of a breather and then just pick up where you left off with the determination that you will do it.
I've been in a similar mental state lately where I feel like I need something fresh to spark the life back into my life and my runs. So I can relate.
I know right now you are dreading that 10k, but like you said, you've done it before. You can do it again. And once you do you will realize that our half in Dec will be just as easy.
Lindsay Lady. As your absolute fail as a casual running buddy I apologize. My negative attitude towards running probably isnt helpful. Give yourself a break. Rome isn't built in a day and 13 miles don't happen in a day.If you keep trying it will happen. Just don't give up and don't be afraid.
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